“The Uglies”
It is no secret to anyone in my family that the last few years have been difficult for me. I didn’t mind turning forty. But forty-one hit different. I can’t even tell you what it was. I do remember that the fall of 2022 was the first time that all faculty were expected back on campus for the first time since 2020. Saying it was a very difficult transition for faculty and students, is an understatement. Maybe it was the realization that my body was changing, getting older. I definitely didn’t feel eighteen anymore. Whatever it was, I found myself questioning everything about my life. My job, my decision, things I hadn’t done, and most importantly, the way I looked. I was stuck and for some reason had no desire to move forward. I wanted to wallow in, what I guess can be described as, the longing for a time that was gone. Believe me when I say there have been a lot of tears over the last few years. All of this to say that I recently watched a movie that I thought was deeply profound and I don’t believe it was an accident.
So here are some thoughts about The Uglies.
A few nights ago, the night before my forty-third birthday, my husband wanted to watch a movie. As always, I was reluctant. I am not a fan of watching random movies unless it’s a comedy. I always want to watch something funny at night and save serious flicks for certain times. The movie of choice was called The Uglies based on the series by Scott Westerfeld. It depicts a dystopian society where the government takes children and raises them until their sixteenth birthday. Upon turning sixteen, the children are taken and given plastic surgery to make them “pretty” and then they are allowed to live in the city. Through this process they become the epitome of physical perfection. But there’s a catch: they lose their former self in exchange for a very superficial life. At one point in the movie, one of the characters who chose not to go through the process of becoming “pretty” said something that stuck out to me. She simply stated, “I wanted to grow old.” This hit me like a ton on bricks.
I believe it is not by accident that we watched this movie on the eve of my birthday. Let’s be honest, aging in our culture is brutal, especially for women. We live in a culture that tells us that if you are not happy with the way you look, just change it and whatever you do, don’t age. Cling to your youth for dear life! According to the American Society of Plastic Surgeons, despite an economic downturn, cosmetic surgery saw a 5 percent rise in plastic surgeries and a 7 percent rise in minimally invasive procedures compared to the previous year. Like the character in the movie, women are using invasive and non-invasive methods to be “pretty”. And this is not solely within the middle age demographic. We are seeing younger women use cosmetic surgery to obtain the appearance of perfection.
Men can go grey, and society says this is sexy. But Lord help you if you are a woman and have even a hint of grey hair. You and your hairdresser had better attack it like a linebacker on Super Bowl Sunday. Do I feel the pull of the cultural obsession with our outward appearance? Yes, who doesn’t. But I am exhausted trying to figure out how to stay young. I can’t stop the aging process and neither can you or any Hollywood A lister. Now let me be clear, I believe in eating clean and regular exercise. We should treat our bodies like the temple that it is. But no matter how hard you work out and eat right, at some point you must come to a place of acceptance. Acceptance for where you are and the season of life you are in. We often forget that there are people, lots of people, that are denied the opportunity to grow old. We idolize youth and disdain the idea of getting older. Why? So, make your new year’s resolutions, start going to the gym, strive to be the best version of yourself. But, don’t get so consumed with your outward appearance that you lose sight of the beauty and process of getting older.